Behind His Walls Read online

  “No, I can’t do this.” She looked to me for backup. “Tell them I can’t abandon my clients, no matter what the risk to my safety is.”

  “What about their safety?” Phil had a point, but it wasn’t likely that Austin would show up with a crowded office.

  I shook my head as I stepped forward. “The only concern I have is Lindsey as she enters and exits the building. I don’t believe he’s capable of taking hostages like that. He wouldn’t be in control of the victims.”

  “I appreciate your advice that I didn’t ask for—”

  Lindsey interrupted him. “He’s right. My job is to protect my clients, and your job is to protect me. I will not stay in this hotel.”

  As I walked back into Joseph’s home, I wondered if I could really stay there. I needed to go somewhere other than my home, and my options were limited. I could’ve stayed with my mother, but I didn’t want to bring worry and stress to her life. The hotel was another option, but I couldn’t feel safe in a place that large. How could the police watch every entry point?

  Joseph could handle himself if a situation arose, and I felt secure in his presence, but had I felt safe? In regards to Austin, absolutely. However, I did not trust myself or Joseph in other aspects of my safety.

  “I appreciate you allowing me to help you after everything that’s happened between us.” Joseph set my luggage down and turned to lock the front door. We had gone to my apartment to pack more things since I’d be staying longer than the weekend. “I think being together will help so we can discuss the situation like adults and move beyond this.”

  “Joseph, I’m the one who appreciates you allowing me a safe place to stay. However, I’m not sure I can handle talking about this tonight.”

  “No, of course. I understand.” He bent over and picked up the luggage. “I’m just going to take this upstairs.”

  My mind flashed to his bedroom with the wall he’d taken me against. I couldn’t stay in there anymore. “The guest room, please.”

  He looked at me and nodded. “I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”

  I refilled Lexi’s food and water and hoped to catch a glimpse of her, as well. It seemed she’d already made herself at home. After taking care of Lexi’s needs, I sat on the sofa and wondered about my own. Maybe it was best to discuss the situation and what expectations we each had out of this arrangement.

  Joseph came in and sat in the chair across from me. He’d changed his clothes into something more casual than the suit he had on earlier. Rules did need to be made because seeing him in jeans just proved how difficult this would be. “What would you like for dinner?”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to check on Jasmine? I know she’s a big part of your life and a friend.”

  “There really isn’t anything I can do for her right now. Phil said he’d call with any changes. To be honest, I’m not sure I’m ready to see her in that state.”

  “I’ll go with you if you’d like company.”

  He smiled. “Maybe tomorrow. Now, what about dinner? What would you like?”

  I wanted to say him, but stopped myself. “You decide. It really doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Okay, I’ll see what I have.” He stood and rubbed his hands together.

  I watched his hands and wished he was rubbing them over me. “Uh, Joseph? Maybe we should talk tonight and get the awkwardness out of the way.”

  He took his seat again. “I would very much like to talk.”

  “Will you answer my questions?” I looked to the ceiling when he looked to the floor. “I take that as a no. Help me to at least understand what happened upstairs.”

  “There’s nothing to understand. It’s my preference when I’m with someone to be in total control.”

  “How much control? Does she have to ask permission to do everything? Is she not allowed to speak unless spoken to?”

  “I don’t think you understand.”

  “You’re right. I have no idea what happens between you and your girlfriends.”

  “Well, for starters, they aren’t my girlfriends.”

  I was shocked. “You wouldn’t consider Jasmine an ex-girlfriend?”

  “Not in the sense you’re making it out to be. When she was in town, she would contact me. We’d have sex, and then she’d leave on another plane.”

  “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

  “I learned in high school that I was better off alone.” He stood and walked to the kitchen. “Do you have a preference for dinner?”

  I followed him and sat at the island. “You’ve only been with women for sex since high school? You’ve never been in a loving relationship?”

  “They don’t exist.” He opened the freezer door. “Name your pleasure.”

  Hearing him say loving relationships didn’t exist cut me in two. The little bit of hope I had vanished, and I wasn’t hungry for dinner anymore. “How can you say that when you teach people loving relationships are possible?”

  He shut the freezer door and walked over to me. “I do not teach my clients to love other people, only themselves. I teach them to be strong and to stand up for themselves. Some people can’t handle being alone. I’ve made peace with the silence.”

  “What happened to you to make you feel that way?”

  “The past isn’t important. Only the present is, and right now, it’s dinner time.” He leaned across the bar where I was seated. “What do you want?”

  The stubble scratched my palms as I held his face. “I can’t have what I want.” I looked down to his lips and back up to his eyes before letting go. “It’s been a long day. I think I’m going to call it a night.”

  “Lindsey?”

  I turned and hoped he would say something to help me understand. He didn’t.

  “When you are hungry, please feel free to fix something.”

  I nodded and walked upstairs. As I walked, I took note that there were no photos around that weren’t works of art. His hall consisted of several framed photos, but they were all scenery shots. In fact, no photos involved people. He truly was alone. Whether he was actually at peace with it or not was another story.

  I looked at his bedroom door before turning to the guest room. I couldn’t go back in there without wanting to be tied to the wall again. I was raised to be a strong, self-reliant woman. The woman who was tied to the wall, begging to be taken was not who I thought I was. The mere thought of being tied to that wall turned me on and just how easily I was ready to give myself to him the way he wanted scared me.

  The guest room was smaller than Joseph’s room, but just as inviting. It was warm and easy to slip into. I sat on the bed and moaned how soft it was. He didn’t need to give up his master bedroom to make sure I was comfortable the night I was sick. The guest room would’ve been very comfortable, as well.

  I looked at the pillow and noticed he’d placed his spare tablet there that I had used to read. Sentiments like that made me smile and knew there was a great guy begging to take care of someone, and I was the lucky one to reap the benefits if only for a brief time. I turned the device on and lay back. Unpacking could wait.

  The soft knock on the door woke me, and I managed to sit up just as Joseph walked in. “Oh, did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

  I scrambled to get my tired eyes and body to focus to remove the luggage from the bed. “Please, come in. I just lay down to read, and the next thing I knew, you were knocking.”

  He brought a tray in and set it onto the bed next to me. “It happens to me all the time. I made dinner and thought you might like some.”

  I looked down at the salad with grilled chicken and placed my hand over my rumbling stomach. “I guess I am a little hungry. Thank you.”

  He took the seat in the corner, but stood again as soon as he sat. “Do you want to be alone?”

  “Have you already eaten?” I made myself comfortable on the bed and moved the tray in front of me. There was plenty of room for Joseph to sit next to me, but I was sure it was for the b
est that he sat in the chair, even though it looked a little small for him.

  “Yes. I was hoping the smell of the chicken would’ve brought you back downstairs, but I didn’t know you’d fallen asleep.”

  “I didn’t know, either.” I moaned as I took my first bite. “This is really good.”

  “You’re just really hungry, but it isn’t bad. Thank you for enjoying it.”

  It wasn’t very ladylike to speak with my mouth open, but it was too good to stop eating, and he was right. I was really hungry. “Thank you for making it.”

  There was a little awkward silence until Joseph rubbed his hands on his jeans. He seemed to be nervous. “May I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “How many loving relationships have you been in?”

  “Loving?” I shook my head. “I’m not sure. I’ve had several relationships where we enjoyed each other’s company, but I wouldn’t say many were loving as I meant it downstairs.”

  “But you believe there is the possibility of one. You know there’s the perfect man out there for you if you just look hard enough.”

  “I’m not sure if that was a question, but yes. I do know there is a man out there for me. I’m just waiting for him to realize I’m the woman for him.”

  I put my fork down and took a drink when Joseph looked everywhere but at me. “Joseph, I will not pry into your past, but I very much want to be a part of your future—however you’ll have me.

  “We both know that isn’t possible until the past is dealt with. As a psychologist, you know this. As a human,” I shrugged as I said my point, “it isn’t so easy. Whether you ever want to have a relationship with me or with anyone for that matter, I will be here as your friend to listen and help.”

  “I appreciate your friendship and your intentions. I’ve had help, and I’ve come to terms with my life the way it is. I’m content to live my life alone, and I will cherish our one night together.” He stood, walked over to me, and kissed me on the forehead. “Good night, Lindsey.”

  I didn’t like watching over my shoulder. I told Elizabeth that I didn’t think Austin would show up at the office, but I had no way of knowing that. He was a desperate man who had nothing to lose.

  Joseph reached over and took my hand as soon as he walked to my side of the car. I didn’t hesitate to lace my fingers with his. His support was needed and appreciated.

  He walked us to the elevator and made sure it was empty before we entered. Allowing me to enter first, he faced forward after he entered to block anyone else who tried to get on the elevator. No one was getting past him.

  I placed my hand on the back of his shoulder. “Thank you.”

  Once the doors closed, he relaxed a little and turned to me. “You’re welcome. Do you have a full day?”

  “Yes, unless there are any cancellations.”

  “Mine is, as well.” He looked at his watch and turned to face the door before it opened.

  He stepped off, looked around, and held his hand out for me to take it again. I cupped his hand instead of lacing our fingers together, and he tilted his head.

  “I don’t want to give Elizabeth the wrong idea.”

  He nodded before taking my hand and slipping it into the bend of his arm. He escorted me down the hall as I held his arm, wishing we were anywhere but the office. I enjoyed helping my clients, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to give them my best.

  It was as if Joseph could read my mind. “The moment you start with your first client, all of this noise will fall away. You’re a wonderful psychologist, Lindsey. You’ll find your focus.”

  I stopped him from walking into the lobby and hugged him. “I’m not sure how you know what to say, but thank you.”

  He took a deep breath before returning the hug. “I just know you, Lindsey.”

  I pulled back and placed my hand on the side of his face. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. If that was the only way I could hang on to him, it would be enough for me. I needed to remind myself of that.

  He opened the door and motioned for me to go first. I smiled when I saw Aaron leaning on the front desk talking to Elizabeth. I was glad to see something good come from this horrific situation. Joseph glanced their way a few times, but didn’t look as happy as I did. He was protective, but I thought Aaron could’ve been a great man for Elizabeth.

  “Good morning.” The two of them were lost in conversation and hadn’t heard us come in. It seemed to bother Aaron the way he jumped and turned when I greeted them. He probably should pay a little more attention to the surroundings, at least until Austin is caught.

  Elizabeth couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. “Good morning, Lindsey.”

  “Yes, good morning.” Aaron looked at his watch. “I should get going. I’ll talk to you later, Elizabeth.”

  “Okay.” She beamed as she watched him nod to both of us and walk out.

  I smiled again. “So, you’re talking to Aaron? Is this possibly leading to a date at some point?”

  “I hope so.” She turned to me when the door closed behind him. “How was your first night with Joseph?”

  I shrugged. “It was fine. He’s a very good host, but we both are used to our own space. I wish I’d bought an actual home like his instead of the apartment. I could’ve been better protected in my own home and wouldn’t need to stay with him.”

  We walked to the kitchen area to get our morning coffee started. Elizabeth and I had become friendly over the course of her working for us, but we’d kept it on a professional level. It was going to be difficult to keep that distance when she was starting to learn so much about my life.

  I’d had friends before, but the career path I’d chosen hadn’t allowed much time for social engagements. When most of my friends were partying in college, I was taking more advanced classes, which left little time for parties.

  When I graduated and landed my first real job, it was an on-call position that often pulled me from whatever outing I’d gone to. The criminal mind fascinated me, so when they’d call regarding a new client who needed to be evaluated, I’d leave my friends at the movies or in the middle of our dinner to see what else I could learn.

  The biggest lesson I’d learned was how important those friendships would’ve been to me later on. When the shit with Austin started, I soon realized I’d had no one to turn to. It was probably why I pushed Joseph so hard to try to see how important friendships could be. I didn’t want him to find himself alone when he needed someone.

  “Aaron said he can’t date now because of the case, but won’t there be another case preventing him from dating when he’s finished with this one?”

  I turned my head toward Elizabeth. I’d gotten lost in my thoughts about friendships and my hope for Joseph that I hadn’t realized she was talking to me.

  “Yes, I assume there will be other cases, but maybe it’s because you’re close to this case, and he’s investigating it. Maybe for professional reasons he has to keep his distance. Have you asked him?”

  “I think there is a little truth to that, but he also said he’ll have to leave on a moment’s notice if he gets a call to investigate something, and he doesn’t think that’s fair to me.”

  I nodded. “I’m sure he will, but I’m happy he’s being up-front with everything. Maybe he’s testing the waters to see if you even want to date someone like him.”

  Joseph walked in for his coffee and stopped when he saw the two of us. “Should I leave? I don’t want to intrude on dating conversations.”

  “No, that’s okay.” Elizabeth looked at her watch. “I need to get back out there. The phones will start ringing soon, and you each have a client due in just a few minutes.”

  “Oh, Elizabeth.” Joseph set his cup down. “I think it would be best if neither of us accepted new clients right now. I’d feel better limiting the interaction here to the existing clients until Austin is back where he belongs.”

  I tilted my head. “You think he’ll pose as a new client?”
>
  “Or have someone else to get information. We need to be smarter than him.”

  Elizabeth tapped her chin. “I understand when a direct call comes in, but what about referrals?”

  “Those will be by a case-by-case basis. Lindsey and I will discuss the case with the referring doctor for further information before any appointment will be scheduled.”

  “Okay.”

  I waited for Elizabeth to leave before I spoke. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot, haven’t you?”

  “Your safety is a priority. I need to think about all possible angles.” He put the coffee pot back after pouring both of us a cup and turned to me. “If at any time I’m overstepping, you can tell me. I should’ve discussed that with you prior to telling Elizabeth.”

  I smirked as I took a sip of coffee. “I’m getting used to your bossy ways.”

  “Bossy?” He turned and saw the smirk. “Well, someone needs to take control. You can be quite a handful.”

  I looked into his eyes and thought about the night I spent against his wall. He was bossy and in charge of my body in ways no guy had been before. He could take that kind of control anytime. I cleared my throat.

  “I’ve got to head to my office and get settled. My first client will be here any moment.” I smiled, grabbed my coffee, and walked out.

  Joseph was right about the fact that as soon as my clients started talking, the trouble with Austin would fade away. It was good to focus on something else for a change besides the complicated mess my life had become.

  There was a small knock on the door, and I looked up to see my mother entering. “I know you’re busy, but I had to see you.”

  I stood, concern written on my face, and walked over to her. “Is everything okay?”

  She pulled me into a big hug, and I felt a moment of panic. “I keep seeing your car get hit on the news.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. I should’ve talked to her more last night than just the quick call that it wasn’t me in the car. “I’m fine, Mom. I’m sorry you’ve been worried.”