Behind His Walls Read online

  She took my card and looked it over before trying to hand it back. “I don’t need therapy.”

  I was getting desperate to stay away from my seat and getting angry from being told no. I didn’t allow myself too many situations where I would be told no. Things didn’t go well when that happened.

  “Sir, please, head back to your seat.”

  She thrust my card in my face, and I snapped. I grabbed her wrist and took her back to the commissary area she just came from. Her eyes were wide and held fear. I would never hurt anyone. At least I’d hoped not.

  “Please. I just need quiet. I’ll give you anything you want.”

  The friend she was talking to was startled at first, but then she took a look at my body. “Girl, take him to the lavatory and have your way with his fine ass.”

  She scowled at her friend. “Would you get real and shut up! People don’t do that.”

  “If it will give me some peace for the rest of this flight, I will do it.”

  “You’re a real charmer.” She shoved me. “The two of you go fuck off.”

  That was the second time she told me no. I looked at her nametag. Jasmine. I pushed her up against the wall and separated her legs with my thigh. I ignored her friend and put my hand up her skirt, cupping her vagina.

  “We can do this here, behind a locked door in the lavatory, or back at my place, but don’t lie and say you don’t want it.” I moved my fingers and pushed her underwear closer to her, getting it wet. “That tells me you do.”

  “Oh, my God, girl. If you don’t take him, I just might.”

  “You’re going to get me fired.” She was looking at me with wide eyes.

  “I will fuck you until you beg me to stop, and then I’ll keep going until I’m satisfied.”

  I watched her neck as she swallowed. I made her nervous, but the wetness coating my fingers told me I excited her, too.

  “Your place.”

  “I get to sit in peace?”

  “Yes, but you’d better be worth it.”

  I looked at Lindsey when I finished the story and narrowed my eyes. She wouldn’t look at me. “What’s the problem?”

  “I’m just glad she didn’t have you arrested when you got off the plane.”

  “I’m sorry if you don’t approve.”

  “You don’t need my approval, Joseph. I haven’t seen that side of you. Not until recently, anyway. It’s difficult to picture you doing that, no matter how frustrated you were.”

  “He almost couldn’t go through with it.” It was scratchy and hard to hear, but Jasmine tried to defend me.

  I stood. “I’ll get the doctor.” I sat back down and took her hand again when she closed her eyes. “Don’t go back to sleep now. Open those beautiful eyes for me.”

  I nodded when Lindsey pointed to the door and walked out. Jasmine needed to keep talking. I squeezed her hand.

  “Joey, I just want to sleep.”

  “I know. You can after the doctor looks at you.” I kissed her hand. “Do you hurt anywhere?”

  The doctor walked in with a nurse who ushered me out. “I’ll let you know when you can come back. It should only be a few minutes.”

  I walked out and saw Phil talking to Lindsey. She looked my way, but I didn’t make eye contact. I needed caffeine. I turned to Aaron. “Where’s the nearest coffee?”

  “There’s a machine down the hall and to the left.”

  “I’ll only be gone a minute.”

  I watched as Joseph walked down the hallway. I wanted to go with him, but he needed time alone. Other than what he’d had in between clients at the office, he’d spent every minute with someone, mostly me. He was used to the silence, or so he said, but it hadn’t been silent for him since the night he took me back to his place to care for me.

  I was still looking down the empty hallway when I interrupted Phil. “What if I rented a house?”

  It caught him off guard. “Excuse me?”

  “My apartment building and the hotel were too large to secure, but what if I rented a house?” I turned to him. “You could watch that just as easily as you’re watching Joseph’s house, couldn’t you?”

  “I suppose, but I’d feel better if you stayed with Joseph. Everything is already in place there.”

  The doctor came out of Jasmine’s room. “Joseph Hatcher?”

  I stepped forward and motioned down the hallway. “He went for coffee. He should be back any moment.”

  He looked down the hallway and back to me. “I’ll catch him on my way to my next patient.”

  “May I go back in there?”

  “Yes, but keep it brief.”

  Phil followed the doctor to get an update, but I’d let Joseph fill me in later. I was more interested in talking directly to Jasmine than about her. The nurse was adjusting the bed for Jasmine and showing her how to move everything on the bed. Jasmine’s eyes were barely open. If she was still awake, she wouldn’t be for long.

  She opened them a little more when she saw me walk in. “I guess I owe you an apology about your car.”

  “You don’t owe me an apology.” I waited for the nurse to leave and then wished Joseph was in the room with me. I wasn’t sure what to talk about. “Joseph will be right back. How are you feeling?”

  “A little too good. They need to cut back on the pain meds.”

  I nodded my understanding.

  The nurse came back in with some water. “It’s mostly effects of the anesthesia from the surgery on your arm last night, but you’re coming around more now. You’ll be able to control your own intake from now on.”

  Jasmine waited for the nurse to leave again. “Is there something on your mind?”

  “Oh, there are a lot of things on my mind, but it can wait until you’re better.”

  “I’m not in love with him. More importantly, he isn’t in love with me.”

  I crossed my arms and looked down. “Those weren’t questions I had.”

  “I see.”

  Joseph walked in and looked at the two of us. “You see what?”

  “That I’m much more of a lightweight than I thought.” Jasmine held out her hand. “These drugs are knocking me out.”

  I slipped out of the room when Joseph sat next to her bed. They needed time alone.

  The ride to Joseph’s was quiet. He needed time to process. Honestly, so did I. The time I was spending with Joseph would’ve been a dream come true had it been for other reasons. The situation as it was didn’t feel fun anymore. It felt like a burden. I was that burden.

  I cleared my throat. “I was thinking that maybe I could rent a house.”

  “When things get settled, renting could be a very good way to see if you’re happier in a house instead of an apartment. I think that’s a very smart move.”

  “No, you don’t understand. I mean now. I could rent a house that’s easier to—”

  “No.”

  “Did you just say no?”

  “Yes.”

  I turned in the seat, pressing my back against the car door and looked at him. It was dark, but I could see as we passed under the street lights that his face was hard and angry.

  “I don’t believe I have to answer to you. If I decide to leave, then I will leave.”

  His jaw clenched, and he didn’t say another word. We were only a couple of blocks from his home, but it was an uncomfortable ride. I should’ve waited until he was more relaxed.

  He pulled into the driveway and had the front door unlocked before I approached the house. Once inside, I didn’t see him anywhere. I closed and locked the door behind me and made my way to the kitchen. It was getting late, and neither of us had eaten. I wasn’t the best cook, but I could whip something up for us.

  As I was looking in the cupboards for something to make, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see Joseph in athletic gear, heading for the basement door.

  “Do you want dinner?”

  “I’ll find something later.” He disappeared into the basement.

&nb
sp; I closed the cupboard door and sighed. I wasn’t hungry anymore. I looked around the kitchen for something to do, but it was already neat and tidy. The dishwasher was empty as was the sink. I decided to wait for him in the living room. I didn’t want either of us to go to bed angry at each other.

  I picked up the remote and flipped through the channels, but nothing held my interest. Maybe a night away from each other would be best. I looked to the basement door once more and got up. I’d started a novel last night that I wanted to get back into. I’d give Joseph his time and find something to help me relax, as well.

  I slammed the weights with each lift and drop. It wasn’t smart, and I could break them, but I wanted to break something in the worst way. It was better to take my frustration out on the weights.

  It wasn’t fair to keep Lindsey with me if she didn’t want to be, but there was no reason for her to leave. She was best protected with me rather than being alone. I let go of the bar and let the weights slam into place again. She was alone upstairs while I was downstairs brooding over the fact she wanted to leave.

  Why did it matter so much? If she wanted to go, she should’ve left. I should’ve encouraged her to go and stopped playing in a fantasy world with a make-believe . . . I didn’t know what to call it.

  I got up and jumped on the treadmill, pressing the speed and incline up as I ran. We were temporary roommates. There was nothing else to it. It wasn’t a romance. We had sex once, and it was the best I’d ever had. She said it was the best she’d ever had, as well. I pressed the treadmill to go faster.

  We couldn’t be together in the way she wanted us to be. I wasn’t that man. For the first time in my life, I had wished I was. I increased the speed again.

  If life were different. If my father had been different. I shook my head. There were no excuses. I was who I was. Life didn’t give you a do-over. Even if it did, I wouldn’t be the psychologist I was had it not been for them.

  I stormed into the house, not caring who heard me. I was late and well past my curfew. Again, I didn’t care. I was looking for a fight.

  “Joey, please calm down. I don’t want you to wake your father. We’ll talk about your missed curfew tomorrow.”

  “Being soft on the boy isn’t going to teach him anything but being soft.” My father came out of the doorway with his belt in his hand. I held my breath when he turned to my mother. “I should use this on you to show you how punishment should be.”

  “Use it on me, asshole.”

  My father turned to me and tilted his head. “You’re feeling brave tonight.” I took a step forward when he turned to my mother. “Go to bed and leave us be. I think it’s time we have a talk.”

  My mother was wringing her hands, unsure of what to do. She looked at me and turned to the bedroom when I nodded. I could handle anything he threw at me, but I didn’t want my mother to be in the middle of it.

  He waited for her to shut the bedroom door before he started speaking. “You look like someone took you out.” He motioned for me to follow him.

  I was tired of his games and wanted to go to bed, but I started this by not coming in quietly. I had to see it through. I followed him into his den and watched him pour two drinks.

  He handed one to me, but I just looked at it. “You don’t drink?”

  “Just beer.”

  I had just turned sixteen and was pushing the envelope a lot, but I hadn’t gotten into anything crazy. I may have been pissed that my mother refused my help, but I wasn’t going to cause her more stress by acting out. However, I still wanted to have fun. Life had been too serious for far too long.

  “Well, it’s right that your first hard drink be with your father.”

  I scoffed. “We aren’t really the poster family for the father-son relationship.”

  “It isn’t because I haven’t tried. You’ve just been unwilling to listen.”

  I put the glass down without touching the drink and started to walk away.

  “Do you want to know what you’ve done wrong? Why she broke up with you?”

  I stopped, but didn’t turn around. I hadn’t told him I was even dating anyone.

  “Did you kiss her?”

  I turned around. “She didn’t break up with me because I kissed her.”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “Yes, I’ve kissed her.”

  “Did you fuck her?”

  I crossed my arms. I hated hearing that term come from him.

  “Ah, don’t get bent out of shape. I take it that means you did.” He downed his glass and moved onto mine. “You can fuck them all you want, but don’t kiss them. They suck your soul out that way.”

  I ignored his soul-sucking comment, but narrowed my eyes and took a step forward. “That seems cold. I can’t imagine anyone willing to have sex with someone who won’t kiss them.”

  “You’ll have more pussy than you know what to do with when you start that rule, but that isn’t the point. You show your cards when you kiss. Women can feel everything when you kiss them. Hell, they even have a song about it. And, it’s a fucking old song, too!”

  “I don’t follow.”

  “You could be standing there buck-ass naked with your dick blowing in the wind, but you’re never more exposed than when you kiss someone.

  “You have to have a poker face at all times when it comes to women, or they’ll walk all over you. If they know how you feel, they have the upper hand.”

  “This isn’t about upper hands. It’s about hearts.”

  “Fuck me. You are your mother’s child.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing about hearts in high school. It’s about fucking your brains out and trying to not get anyone pregnant.”

  “I still don’t see how anyone will want sex if I refuse kissing. Kissing is first base.”

  “Kiss them all you want. Just don’t kiss them on the lips. Kiss their neck, tits, pussy, and any other goddamn thing you want to kiss.” He walked up and flicked my mouth. “Just don’t kiss them there. That’s lesson one. Tomorrow you start hitting the gym with me. We’ll make a man out of you yet.” He left the room.

  I thought he was crazy. It made no sense to me. I kissed the next two girls I dated and had my heart ripped out by both. I stopped kissing and stopped letting them under my skin. My old man was right about one thing. No one had gotten to me again since I stopped kissing.

  I wasn’t sure how long I was downstairs working out, but Lindsey was nowhere to be found when I walked upstairs. I was concerned she left until I saw her bag on the coffee table in the living room. She must have gone to bed.

  I turned the lights out and headed up the stairs that led to the dark hallway past the guest room on the way to my room. The closer I got to the top of the stairs I could see a little bit of light shining in the hall.

  It looked as if her doorway was opened a crack, and that’s where the light was coming from. She must have been reading the tablet I let her borrow in the dark. I smiled remembering her reading the first time—what had seemed like ages ago.

  I could hear soft noises the closer I got to her room, so I slowed down and was careful where I walked. I didn’t want to bother her with a creak from the floorboard. I wondered if she was on the phone, but it didn’t sound like talking. Maybe she was crying over the situation she was in. I stopped to listen at her door.

  “Oh.” I heard soft moans and panting. I backed up one step. My dick grew hard. It sounded as if she was masturbating. I took a step closer and leaned in.

  “Please, please, I need this so much.” She started breathing harder, and I could hear the bed moving with her efforts.

  I peeked in the doorway that was partially open and saw her with the tablet next to her pillow, shining light up to her face. Her eyes were closed, but it seemed to be more out of frustration than pleasure.

  “Come on,” she whispered. “You’re right there. Just a little—”

  Her eyes flew open when I covered her mouth. I didn’t want her to scream and alert the cop
s on watch nearby. The last thing I wanted was anyone coming to her rescue.

  I reached with my other hand, pulling the hand she was using out from the covers and licked them. Her breathing stopped for a moment and then became even more erratic when I pulled her fingers out of my mouth one by one.

  I pulled the covers back and was disappointed to see she was still wearing pajama pants. One quick tug at the ankles bared her to me completely.

  She was breathless. “Joseph.”

  I reached down with one hand and ran a finger down her lower belly. I loved watching her body quiver anywhere I touched her.

  I lay on top of her and unbuttoned the rest of her top. She had it started, but I wanted full access. I couldn’t linger too long since it was supposed to be about Lindsey, but I had to have a taste, and she didn’t seem to mind.

  I worked my way down her body, after enjoying the appetizer of her breasts. Once I reached her clit, I had to be gentle since she was already so worked up. Being gentle was going to be new to me, but I welcomed the challenge.

  Soft licks and flicks of the tongue brought her hands to my hair. It was a strange feeling to have someone play with my hair, but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would’ve. It helped tell me where she liked it the most.

  I thought she’d waited enough for her first orgasm, so I started sucking harder. Her hands fisted my hair and then moved to the sheets.

  “Joseph.”

  She still liked to squirm and was moving around more than I liked, so I sat up on my knees and brought her hips with me, wrapping one arm around them, holding them tight.

  It wasn’t my favorite position, but it worked to keep her still and also provided a free hand to find her G-spot. I entered two fingers and moved them in time with my tongue. It was getting harder to hold on to her.

  “Fuck.” She tried to squirm more, but I gripped her hips tighter with my arm. “Oh, God. Right there. Please don’t stop.”

  Her back was resting on my thighs, and her legs were draped over my shoulders. Her hands started clawing at the bed the closer her orgasm came.