Behind His Walls Page 7

  “You won’t.” She looked up and hesitated again. “Now!” I let her wrists go when she grabbed on, but had to place her hands again when she was free. “Keep holding on.”

  I went over to the dresser and pulled out a couple of black strips. I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to convince myself to end it now. I could see Lindsey looking at my nude backside with appreciation and desire. I closed my eyes and lowered my head, praying for the strength to walk away.

  I felt her hands slide around my waist as she pressed her body to me. I didn’t lift my head, but I did open my eyes and locked on hers in the mirror. “I thought I told you to keep holding on.”

  “I’d rather hold on to you.”

  I turned so fast, it knocked her back a few steps. I grabbed her wrists again and pushed her into the wall. “When I tell you to do something, you will do it.” I tied her wrists to the sconces on the wall and put my nose to hers. “Understood?”

  She swallowed and blinked fast before nodding. She looked up and tried to free her wrists. I watched as her chest bounced in her pajama top. When she realized she wasn’t getting free, she stopped and looked at me. My focus remained on her chest, watching it as she took short, quick breaths. I wasn’t sure if she was out of breath because of the excursion to try to get free or because she was scared. If I were being honest, I was afraid to look into her eyes to see which it was.

  Instead, I cupped her breasts through her top. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. Her breasts were real. Without warning, I ripped her shirt open and set them free. Her breasts were more beautiful than I had imagined. I couldn’t help myself and lowered my mouth to them. I needed that first taste.

  Her nipples were already coming to life, but the second I licked each one, they fully awakened and wanted more. I was willing to give it. I sucked on one nipple and pinched the other with the sounds of her approval encouraging me to continue. I wanted it to be a softer experience the first time she was with me, but that wasn’t who I was. It was all or nothing, and I only hoped she would allow me to finish what she started.

  I dropped to my knees and pulled her pajama bottoms down. She wasn’t wearing any underwear. I looked up at her. Her face was a mixture between pleasure and pain. She seemed to be in as much agony and need for release as I was. I was about to put both of us out of our current misery and send us spiraling into a completely different type of hell altogether.

  I looked at the beautifully trimmed hair before me and was pleasantly surprised that she wasn’t completely bare. I inhaled and wasn’t sure what I’d done in life to deserve the beautiful woman on my wall, but I was going to take the offering while I had it.

  The moment my tongue made contact with her clit, her knees gave out. I kept going. She was the type who liked to squirm. I was the type who didn’t like to chase my feast. I put her legs on my shoulders and pinned her hips to the wall. She couldn’t move as easily that way, and I could do as I wanted.

  “Oh, Joseph.” She tried to move and couldn’t. “I’m going to—” I sucked harder on her clit and ignored the pressure her legs were putting on my head as she tightened every muscle through her orgasm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Each word got louder as she screamed. Once her legs started loosening their grip, I put her feet back on the floor and got up for a condom.

  I grabbed the condom and slid it on before turning around. I couldn’t see her hanging by her wrists while I touched my cock. I would’ve stroked through to find my own orgasm, but that wasn’t how I wanted to find release. I’d stroked myself through my last orgasm just dreaming about Lindsey. From then on, any orgasm would be inside her.

  I turned and the sight before me stopped me in my tracks. Lindsey, weak from her first orgasm, hanging on my wall was almost too much for me. This was the moment I dreamed of so often. I couldn’t believe it was really happening.

  I stalked over to her and lifted her chin to have her look at me. I always thought I’d destroy her, but having her look at me, almost begging me to take her, made me realize that I was the one who would be destroyed by this relationship. I didn’t care.

  I reached down and lifted one of her legs to enter her with full force. She grabbed ahold of the sconces and pulled herself up as if to get away from the pounding I was giving her. I wouldn’t let her. She felt too good to stop. I pulled her hips down with every thrust I gave her, filling her as much as her body would allow.

  She threw her head back and hips forward. “Oh, don’t stop.” Each moan I heard from her only fueled my desire more. I had no intentions of stopping.

  That was, until she leaned forward and almost kissed me. I pulled out and shoved her away just as quickly as I had filled her for the first time moments ago. “Don’t.”

  She drew her eyebrows together, pulled herself up with the sconces, and kicked her feet to try to reach me with her legs. “Don’t stop. Please finish.”

  I walked away. “I should never have started this.” She would want things I couldn’t give her. Things I wouldn’t give her.

  “Goddamn it, Joseph!” I heard her fighting her bindings, but I kept walking. “Fine! You win!”

  I turned to see what she was talking about, and she had turned her body around, causing her arms to cross above her head. She bent over in invitation, and my breath caught. She was offering herself up to me, and I was too weak to resist it.

  “I won’t try to kiss you again. I can’t like this.” She put her forehead to the wall and cried. “Please don’t walk away from me.”

  Something in me broke when I heard her cry. I’d heard her cry before, but I was never the cause of it, and it tore at my soul. I startled her when I took her hips and thrust hard. This was the one thing I could give her, the one thing that would make her happy, and I would give it to her until she kicked me out of her life.

  I shook my head a little to break free from my thoughts. I needed to remind her who was in charge. I needed to remind myself, as well. I wanted to overload her senses, make her dependent on me to see her through this orgasm. One hand went to her clit, and the other went to her nipple. I played both at the same time to get her attention and then alternated as I kept thrusting.

  She whispered something I couldn’t hear. I leaned forward to listen. “What did you say?”

  “It feels so good. Don’t stop.”

  “Are you sure about that? You sound tired.”

  She pushed her hips back. “Fuck me, Joseph. Don’t stop.”

  I slammed into her, causing her to stand up straight. I leaned in and whispered, “I set the tone for this. Be grateful my balls are aching for this release as much as you are.”

  I stood up straight and took over where I was before. I knew physically she was enjoying herself. Her body screamed her desire almost as much as she did. The way her hips were trying to keep up with me, the way her walls clenched around me, and the way her head fell back as she gasped for air through every orgasm I gave her. Yes, she was enjoying it. It was the emotional survival I feared afterward.

  For both of us.

  I dropped my forehead to her shoulder and slowed my movements. I needed to finish. I needed to be done, but I couldn’t. I was too afraid of what it would do to our friendship. I was afraid of what would happen once I pulled out.

  Her voice, still quiet and hoarse from her screams, confirmed that she was too good for me. “Am I doing something wrong?”

  I kept my forehead on her shoulder and shook my head. “No.”

  “Then what is it?”

  No matter what was going to happen between us, I wouldn’t allow her to feel inadequate. “Just taking a small break. You’re going to be the death of me.”

  “Ditto, but what a way to go.” She laughed until I started the hard thrusts again. “Oh, yes. Just like that.”

  I closed my eyes and concentrated on the physical feeling only. Any time I strayed and thought of my friend, I’d fuck harder. Lindsey was no longer my friend after that night. She was just mine.

  I collapsed aga
inst her and pressed her into the wall. It was the most intense climax I’d had in quite some time. I pushed myself off the wall and reached up to untie her wrists. Her arms had to be aching. After I saw to the rest of her body, I would massage her arms and hopefully lessen the soreness she’d feel in the morning.

  I lifted her in my arms and took her to the bathroom. “You still need to go and now more than ever.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can.”

  I set her down. “You’re not getting an infection on my watch. Go!”

  I took care of the condom and started the shower. I shook my head for not using the guest shower in the first place or locking the door. If I had, none of this would’ve happened. I should’ve had more control in my desire for Lindsey. The flirting and innuendoes all day hadn’t helped, but I still should’ve been stronger and avoided the situation, instead of creating something that changed our friendship forever.

  I startled when she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I just want to go to bed.”

  “In a few minutes. The hot water will help your sore muscles and ease the discomfort.”

  She nodded and allowed me to wash her body. The way she leaned on me told me she was very tired. As a friend, I was saddened that I had put her through so much for our first time. As a man, I was proud I had satisfied her so well.

  “When did you get the piercing?”

  The laugh that came out of me was, in some ways, more satisfying than the orgasm. It lightened the mood from the dark place I had taken it. “Still asking questions, huh?”

  Even though I couldn’t see it, there was a smile in her tone. “Would you expect anything else?”

  “From you? Nope.”

  “Are you going to answer the question?” She turned to look at me once I finished rinsing her body. “Because if you don’t want to answer that one, I have plenty of others.”

  I turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing a towel. “You’re cold. Let’s get you dry and in bed.”

  She took the towel from me. “I can manage. Thank you.”

  She stormed away and went to her suitcase. I walked over to my dresser for a fresh pair of boxers. I turned to watch her put on another pair of pajamas. I closed my eyes with relief. I thought she was going to get dressed to go home.

  “Lindsey—”

  “No, Joseph.” She looked at the wall where we just had sex and back to me. “You do not get to do that to me and expect no fucking questions!”

  “Do that to you? Do what to you?” I stormed over to her. “You could’ve said no. In fact, I warned you to say no. I warned you not to touch it! Do not blame this all on me.”

  “I’m not blaming you for fucking me. I’m blaming you for shutting me out!”

  “You’ve been asking me questions all day!” I ran my hand over the back of my neck. “I just want to go to sleep.”

  “Fine. Get the fuck out then.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Fine. I’ll sleep in the guest room.”

  I grabbed her arm, flung her over my shoulder, and threw her onto the bed. “You’ll sleep with me now.”

  She hadn’t finished buttoning her top, and I watched her breasts bounce as she landed on the bed. She had the best tits I’d ever seen. Apparently, she was finished showing them to me. She sat up and started fastening her buttons.

  “Forgive another question, but is this how it’s going to be now?” There was a hint of sadness in her voice.

  I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, placing my head in my hands. “I don’t know, Lindsey.”

  I felt the tug of the blankets and looked behind me to see her struggling to get under the covers. “You want to go to sleep,” she kept tugging as she spoke, “and I have to stay in here. Give me the fucking blankets so I can try to sleep, too.”

  I turned and tugged the blanket at the same time, pulling her closer to me. I reached for her before she was able to scramble back to her side. Still holding one of her arms, I sat up against the headboard and pulled her to my lap. “I need to take care of your shoulders. They’ll be very sore in the morning if they aren’t already, but this should lessen the pain.”

  I massaged her shoulders with little protest from her. They were probably already sore, and she just didn’t want to admit it. When she finally relaxed and leaned against me, I had my first hope that everything would be okay.

  “This is why you have the massager showerhead.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. She understood what I’d been trying to tell her all along. I wasn’t who she thought I was. “How many others?”

  “I’ll answer your questions, Lindsey. Just not tonight.”

  The next morning and the rest of the weekend were awkward between Joseph and me, to say the least. I was happy to have Monday and my old routine of work back in my life—except it wasn’t my old routine. Joseph fixed my lunch and drove us to work. He wouldn’t let me get my car and said I was still going home with him at the end of the day. If we each hadn’t had clients scheduled, he wouldn’t have let me out of his sight.

  I never expected Joseph to be the dominating type. He was always the perfect gentleman. Not that a dominate personality couldn’t be a gentleman. There just wasn’t anything gentle about the way we had sex or how he treated me.

  I didn’t regret the sex. I craved more of it, but I couldn’t let him know that. He was already bossing me around too much. I couldn’t live that kind of lifestyle, no matter how much I wanted to be with him.

  The warning from Jasmine kept ringing in my ears. “Don’t judge him. Don’t try to fix him. Just let him be.” I wanted the Joseph I went to movies with. The one who took my breath away when he looked at me. Not the one who took my breath away by scaring me into submission.

  Although, when I thought about it, I was completely submissive that night with him. I was even willing to practically break my wrists to turn around so I couldn’t try to kiss him again.

  Would he ever let me kiss him?

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Elizabeth was standing at my desk. I hadn’t heard her come in. “Do you need me to cancel your afternoon?”

  “No. I’m fine.” I looked down at the lunch Joseph packed for me that I hadn’t touched. “I guess I’m just not very hungry. How can I help you?”

  “Not hungry? You’re in another world today.”

  “Did a client say something?” I had to get my shit together.

  “No, no.” She shook her head. “It’s just that whenever I’ve come in to talk to you, you’re completely in the clouds about something.” She looked me over and then tilted her head. “You spent the weekend with Joseph, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. I was very sick Friday night. He helped me tremendously.”

  “What about Saturday night?”

  “We had pizza.” I started to pack up my lunch.

  “I think something happened, but you don’t want to talk about it.” She leaned in and whispered, “Does he kiss as good as I think he would?”

  I smiled. That I could answer safely. “We didn’t kiss, Elizabeth. Sorry to disappoint you, but that isn’t a question I can answer.”

  “Damn. I could’ve sworn something happened.”

  Joseph and I had briefly discussed letting Elizabeth in on the situation with Austin. I didn’t want to frighten her, but she did have the right to know. It was time to tell her, but I was going to keep some details to myself.

  “There is something going on. I don’t want to upset you, but there was a man whom I helped,” I tilted my head as I spoke, “unintentionally helped, put away. Well, he’s escaped, and the police are afraid he might come after me.”

  Her back stiffened. “What? Do they think he’s coming here?”

  “Well, they are standing by and watching the people who enter the building. I really don’t think he’d be crazy enough to do anything here. He’s too smart to come walking through my front door.”

  “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry you’re go
ing through this.”

  “It’ll be okay. They’ll catch him soon, and I can go back to my normal, boring life.”

  “Wait. How did you unintentionally help put him away?”

  I waved her off. “It isn’t important.” I looked at my watch. “Listen, I need to ask you a favor. The last client of the day called to cancel, correct?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Will you take me to a hotel? I let someone borrow my car, and I need to pick it up.”

  “Sure.”

  “That won’t be necessary.” Joseph stood in the doorway. “I’ll take you to your car.”

  “You’ll take me tonight?” I looked at Joseph and challenged him. It was something I did often before the true him had surfaced, but I seemed to make a point to challenge him every chance I could after we spent Saturday night together.

  “We’ll talk about it later.”

  Elizabeth stood. “Well, I’m going to let you two discuss it.” She was out the door before she finished her sentence.

  I stood. “You have no right to keep me from my car. If I want Elizabeth to take me, then she will fucking take me!”

  He unbuttoned his jacket and sat down across from my desk. He leaned over, ignoring my outburst, and pulled the lunch toward him. “Are you not hungry?”

  “No, actually, I’m not.”

  “Lindsey, I want to work this out with you.”

  “What’s to work out, Joseph?” I sat and placed my elbows onto the desk. “I’ve had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life with the one man who isn’t available emotionally. There isn’t anything to work out. It’s worked out, and I need to deal with it.”

  He nodded as if no further explanation was necessary. “I’m sorry.” He stood and left.

  I placed my head on the desk. I was the one who was sorry. I was being a bitch. I groaned my frustration and stood. I didn’t catch up to him in the hallway, but I had just reached his door when he shut it. I opened it and let myself in.

  “I’m sorry, Joseph. I was being unfair.”

  He turned quick, shut the door, and pressed me against it. “You’ve got a thing about barging into occupied rooms. What if I had been with a client? You need to learn how to knock.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”