Behind His Walls Page 18

  He took his hand off my shoulder and held it out to me again. I put my palm in his, and he wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me up before I had a chance to change my mind. He walked out with his arm around my shoulders as if he were proud to be with me. I’d only ever had that feeling from my mother, and she was gone.

  “No matter what happens between you two, you’ll always have Trudy and me. We’re your family. We’ll always be your family.”

  “I know. You’ve done so much for me, and I appreciate it all.”

  “Good. Show that by calling more. We miss you.”

  “I will.”

  “And come out for a visit. Bring your friend. I’m dying to meet her.” I could hear his smile on the other end.

  “When this is over with the bastard who’s after her, we’ll probably need a vacation.”

  I said my goodbyes to Grant and sat on the patio for a while. The chicken wasn’t going to be ready any time soon, and I didn’t want to intrude on Lindsey’s time with her mother. It was a given they were talking about our relationship as mothers and daughters did, but I didn’t mind. Lindsey probably needed some advice to deal with a moody boyfriend like me.

  I smiled at the thought of being referred to as her boyfriend. Then I narrowed my eyes and realized Teresa knew about my past. If Lindsey told her I opened up and told her a little bit of it, Teresa may have filled in the rest.

  I stood up fast, knocking the patio chair over. I didn’t want her to fill her in. I needed to control when and how she learned the truth of my parents’ death.

  I walked through the backdoor and heard laughter. At least it was upbeat. If they were talking about my family, I didn’t think they would’ve been laughing.

  I checked on the chicken and brushed my palms on my legs. I was nervous to sit with Lindsey and her mom. I’d had dinner with both of her parents before her father died and several times with just her and her mother after he passed, but Lindsey and I were just friends then. I still wasn’t sure if we were more than friends yet. The entire situation confused me.

  I walked out and put a smile on my face. “Dinner is in the oven. It should just be an hour or so.”

  Teresa got up off the sofa and moved to the chair so I could sit next to Lindsey. I nodded my thanks and sat. It was awkward. I would’ve taken the chair. I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Lindsey scooted closer.

  “Thank you again for thinking of dinner with my mom tonight.” She kissed my cheek before snuggling up next to me and putting her hand on my thigh.

  I wrapped my arm around her to let her get closer and tapped my fingers on the arm of the sofa. They continued discussing things as if I wasn’t in the room, and I was fine with that. I didn’t have much to add to their redecorating ideas for the house. I thought it looked fine the way it was.

  Lindsey excused herself to the bathroom, leaving me alone with her mom. I wanted to use the chicken as an excuse to leave the room, but it would’ve been obvious I wasn’t comfortable. Not that the fake smile I plastered on my face screamed comfort.

  Teresa’s gaze followed her daughter down the hall, and she waited until she heard the door shut before she spoke. “I won’t say a word about your past. I understand you talked to her a little bit last night, but you’ll be the one to tell her when you’re ready. Just know that she can handle it and wants to help.”

  I leaned forward and nodded.

  “What are your intentions toward my daughter now? Will she go back to her apartment after this crazy man is caught?”

  I said the only honest thing I could. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen when Austin is caught, but I can tell you that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep again without Lindsey in my arms. She’s going to have to decide if she wants to stay. I’m sure I’m not the easiest man to live with, but I’m trying to be better.”

  “Honey, no man is easy to live with. Lindsey’s father kept me on my toes even before he found himself in the mess that cost us everything. We find the one who’s worth it all and hang on tight.”

  I looked down. “I guess I just have to wait and see if she thinks I’m worth hanging on to.”

  “I do.” Lindsey walked over to me and sat closer than before. She turned my head toward her and looked into my eyes. “You can tell me whatever it is you need to tell me and try to shake me from you all you want, but I’m never letting go.”

  I didn’t care that her mom was in the room. I had to kiss her.

  Dinner with Lindsey and Teresa eased up after we kissed. It seemed more like old times before Lindsey and I became romantically involved. She didn’t want to leave because she knew it would be some time before she could see her mom again, but we needed to go before it got too late.

  After we got home, a police officer followed us inside. He checked the house before we were allowed to move from the living room while another police officer stood guard with us. It was going to take some getting used to, but if it was for Lindsey’s safety, they could fill my house with police.

  We decided to retire early to the bedroom, but neither one of us was sleepy. We were exhausted from the day’s events, but too amped up to rest. I had lain down and held her. It was time to tell her more.

  “My parents died on my eighteenth birthday.”

  “That must have been very difficult.”

  “It was the least of my problems. I didn’t know where to go. I had no other family. I was too old to be placed into the system. Even if they would’ve let me, I had no desire to go back to an empty house.”

  “What did you do?”

  “There was a man who was assigned to my case the first time the school called social services. The state couldn’t really do anything since there was no proof my father abused me. My mother always covered for him and arguing alone isn’t grounds enough to take a child from his home.

  “The neighbors could report the yelling, the police could come, but if my mother never showed any signs of physical abuse or told the truth about what happened, the options were limited. The bruises that got social services involved were from my own stupidity and not my father. When you’re ten, you feel invincible. Unfortunately, gravity has other ideas on that.”

  “What did this man do for you?”

  “Listened. As I said, the options were limited, but I was lucky enough to be assigned to the most compassionate, kind-hearted man who knew I needed someone other than my parents in my life.” I shook my head. “As much as he stuck by me through everything, I never expected him to take me in when I had nowhere to go.”

  “That was nice of him. Do you still keep in contact?”

  “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “He wants to meet you.”

  She lifted her head off my chest and looked into my eyes. “I’d love to meet him.”

  “He moved to Florida.”

  She smiled. “Florida sounds good to me.” She put her head back on my chest. “When do we leave?”

  “I told him we’d probably need a vacation after this mess with Austin is settled.”

  She nodded. “I agree.” She ran her fingers over my chest. “Do you feel like talking about your parents anymore?”

  “I was trying to keep it light and discuss the good from my past. It’s been a difficult day already.”

  She got up on her elbow again and looked at me. “I’d like to hear it, but only if you’re up to it. I love you, Joseph.”

  My chest tightened at her admission. It wasn’t a feeling she’d kept hidden, but hearing her say the words the first time had me both elated and terrified. I looked away, unable to say it back.

  She pulled my face toward hers. “I want a future with you, and the only way we’re going to be able to have that future is to hit any problem we face head-on. You think this will be a problem. I’d like to face it and move on.”

  I sat up and placed my back against the headboard. Lindsey sat on her knees next to me and waited. It was probably best to get it over with and out in the open. She didn’t seem to
be frightened by what I’d told her so far.

  “I’m unsure if things were escalating or if I was just more aware of things the older I got. It was probably a little of both. I tried several times to get her to leave him.

  “After realizing that not everything the man said was crazy, I allowed him to be a bigger part of my life. I didn’t spend as much time with my mom as I had before. I was exercising, drinking, or learning how to pick up girls with him.”

  I rubbed my hands over my head a few times and messed up my hair. I felt such guilt for turning away from my mom. I wished I had kept trying to convince her to leave, but I’d been sucked up into his spell, too.

  “He was the fun dad I’d wished for my entire life. He wouldn’t let me have a ball when I was a kid because he thought I’d break a window, but when we started to hang out, we went and shot his gun at the empty beer bottles or cans we had taken to drink.

  “He was an entirely different person once he thought we were buddies.” I shrugged. “I guess we were. There was one night that we picked up a woman at a bar, and the next thing I knew I was having sex with her in the backseat of the car. The thing I didn’t know was he was standing outside the car rating my performance.”

  “Your father watched you have sex?”

  “Watched or listened outside. I don’t know. I was so embarrassed I didn’t ask. I hadn’t had that many partners yet, but I knew my way around. He was actually impressed and said I was ready for the next level.” I looked down. “I got the piercing a few weeks later on my eighteenth birthday.”

  I pulled my knees up and hung my arms over them. “That was actually what started the series of events that ended both of their lives.”

  “I know this is hard for you. Can you continue?”

  “My mother was furious. Her friends from the piercing place called and warned her that we were there. They knew she didn’t want me to get it. She was too late to stop it, but she made her feelings known when we got home.”

  “Did she stand up to your father often?”

  I shook my head. “Not at all. She tried to get him to take his anger out on her instead of me, but she never went against him.” I closed my eyes.

  “We don’t have to talk about it.”

  “Yes, I do.” I took a deep breath and exhaled. “She was angry that he was turning me into him. She was right. I was one step away from being exactly like him, and that still scares me to this day.

  “She was hoping I’d get out before my father had his claws into me. I had less than a year left of high school. I was so close. I’d saved all of my money from working, trying to get her to leave him, but she told me that I was to use that for college. She helped me look at colleges and apply for scholarships. She wanted me to be free.”

  “She sounds like a wonderful mother.”

  “She was the best, and I let her down. She pushed his buttons until he pushed her to their room. I tried to stop it. I tried to get in, but I couldn’t. The neighbors called the police when the arguing got really bad that night.

  “I tried to hold them off when I answered the door. I knew if they entered while my dad was assaulting my mother, he’d go to jail, and my mom would be in a lot of danger when he got out.”

  I shook my head. “I should’ve let them in.” I leaned my head back against the headboard and closed my eyes. “There was a scuffle with things getting knocked over in their room. The cops tried to get in, but it was too late. We all stopped when we heard the gunshot. Once the second gunshot went off, I dropped to my knees. I knew my mother was dead.”

  Lindsey sat up against the headboard and wrapped her arms around me. “You had no way of knowing your father was going to kill your mother.”

  “You don’t understand. My mother killed my father and then killed herself.”

  Lindsey held me tighter. “I’m so sorry, Joseph.”

  “She wrote her suicide note before we got home. She did it to protect me. She finally saw what a monster he was when she realized her only child was going to turn into the same type of man.”

  Lindsey pulled my face to hers and kissed me. She looked into my eyes. “You are not that type of man, Joseph. You are kind, patient, and loving. You are the type of man every other man aspires to be. Do you understand? You are the man I’m in love with and will be for the rest of my life.” She kissed me again.

  I held her face and looked into her eyes. I needed to know if what she felt for me was pity or if she really loved me. I’d already fallen too far to recover, but I had to know if she felt the same way.

  I thought back to the other girls I’d looked into the eyes of and none of them looked at me the way Lindsey was looking at me. She looked as if she wanted to crawl inside me and be a part of me. She wanted to heal my broken pieces with pieces of herself. Even Jasmine hadn’t looked at me that way.

  I kissed her again and laid her down. I needed to be with her the way I should’ve been with her all along. The wall was cold and impersonal. She deserved to be worshiped, and I was going to do everything I could to make sure she knew she was.

  I kissed her neck and unbuttoned the pajama top she wore from my set. It looked better on her than on me, but it looked even better off. I opened the shirt and kissed her neck, down her chest, and to her breast. She arched her back, trying to get closer to me while she held me to her with her hands in my hair.

  Her belly quivered whenever I kissed down to her hips, and it made me smile. I liked having that effect on her. Hooking my thumbs in her underwear, I slipped them off and tossed them aside. I kissed her thighs and inched my way closer to her pussy. I couldn’t wait to taste her.

  I reached up and spread her legs further apart and kissed the most intimate part of her. I allowed her to squirm as much as she wanted to. It wasn’t about being in control anymore. It was about being a part of one another.

  She threaded her fingers through my hair and held me closer to her as she rode out her waves of pleasure. It was my mission to make her come time and time again. She pulled me up when she’d had enough.

  I moved up her body, kissing as I went. It was faster than it was on my way down because I needed to be part of her. I hovered over her body and looked into her eyes while she reached down and slid my pajama bottoms off. She used her feet to slide them the rest of the way down.

  She touched my face and lifted her head to kiss me. “I love you.”

  I kissed her back and thrust forward. She gasped in my mouth, but didn’t stop kissing. She wrapped her legs around me and rocked her hips with mine.

  She whispered into my ear, “Yes, just like that.”

  I bent down and took her nipple into my mouth. She arched her back. I couldn’t get enough of her. I moved to the other nipple and sucked harder.

  “Oh!” Her nails dug into my shoulders, causing me to increase the speed of my hips. “That’s it. Faster.”

  I placed my chest against hers and moved my hips faster. I needed to touch all of her at once. I couldn’t get her close enough to me. “I don’t ever want to leave this bed.” I kissed her neck.

  “God, I don’t either.” She tried to pick up the speed of her hips. “Faster. Go faster.”

  I slowed down.

  “You’re trying to kill me.”

  I laughed and pulled her over on top of me. “You set the pace this time.”

  She smiled, kissed me, and sat straight up. “You may want to hold on to something.”

  I smiled and held her hips. “Show me what you’ve got.”

  She moved them in slow, steady circles before lifting herself up and down. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her breasts as they bounced with each movement. I reached up and pinched one of her nipples. She fell forward, moaning and placed her hand on my chest. Her hips moved faster, and she flipped her head back as she sat up.

  I moved my hands back to her hips as I watched her breasts. I gripped her hips and moved her faster. She looked down at me and smiled as she ran her hand down her body, caressing her breast, and e
nding at her clit. My attention was torn between watching her breasts bounce and watching her rub her clit. I was ready to explode.

  I sat up, laid her back down, and took over. She wrapped her arms and legs around me. “I wondered how long it would take you to fuck me.”

  “You want to be fucked?”

  She nodded and arched her brow as a challenge. I pulled out, flipped her over, and lifted her hips in the air before thrusting back into her.

  “Fuck, yes.”

  I went faster. Each moan I pulled from her was pulling at my balls. I was too close to the edge, but couldn’t stop. I reached in front of her and moved her hand out of the way. I wanted to make her scream. She could get herself warmed up, but I’d be the headlining act.

  She lifted herself up on her hands and began pressing back into me. “Fuck me, Joseph.” I watched as her hands gripped the comforter. I knew she was close, too. Once she laid her head back down on the bed, I moved my fingers faster on her clit.

  The cries of pleasure coming from her were sure to be heard by the police protecting our house, but I didn’t care. I wanted them all to know there was no doubt she was mine.

  I kept going until she stopped screaming and thrust a few more times, holding myself in as far as I could when I climaxed. I collapsed on her, still throbbing inside her. I never wanted to leave that bed.

  My eyes were heavy, but I managed to open them. I looked at the man who took my breath away the night before and wondered how I could show him his past didn’t matter to me. I was afraid I’d lose him to his demons again. Kissing, making love in his bed, and hearing the truth about his past were all steps in the right direction, but someone as closed off as Joseph didn’t change over a couple of nights.

  I wasn’t sure what I could do to convince him that I loved him with every fiber of my being, but I would stop at nothing to make sure he knew. He was worth holding on to, and I was going to make sure I held on tight. I snuggled closer and fell back to sleep.

  The first few days of in-house lockdown were fun. We talked and made love a lot. I got to know more about Joseph as a person instead of the psychologist or kid who was scared to love. Pizza was the only threat to his set of abs that he worked hard for, and I’d made him have it twice since staying with him. I told him I’d still be with him abs or no abs, but they were a sexy perk.