Behind His Walls Page 14

  “Don’t stop! Oh, fuck. Don’t stop.”

  He didn’t. I felt as if I was floating the way my arms were suspended from the sconces and how he was holding my hips. I couldn’t see anything, but I could feel everything.

  I pulled tighter on my restraints as his piercing was guided in and out. I threw my head back and tried to arch my back as best I could when another orgasm tore through me. I was desperate to hang on to something, anything. I clenched my fists around the restraints and hung on as Joseph ran his thumb over my sensitive clit, pulling one last orgasm from my tired and sweat-drenched body.

  He squeezed my hips hard as he found his release. Every muscle in my body was tense and on fire when he backed me up against the wall. It was a relief to be able to relax my arms, even though they still didn’t feel very relaxed. When Joseph reached up to release the restraints, I collapsed to the floor.

  He bent down and scooped me up, kissing my temple. “I’ll take care of you. I promise I’ll always take care of you.”

  I couldn’t believe what I walked in on the night before. Lindsey was waiting for me, already restrained and blindfolded. I wasn’t sure she would ever be willing to do that again, and seeing her up there waiting for me was almost too much to take in.

  She was going to be sore when I woke her, but I hoped the shower and massage I gave her helped. She fell asleep before I could thank her for trusting me enough to wait for me like that. It was a beautiful sight to see and one I’d treasure for the rest of my life.

  I tightened my arms around her more. Sleeping in the same bed with a woman was new to me, but I craved her body to be next to mine. I tightened my arms around her again. I couldn’t get close enough to her. It was starting to scare me.

  When she slept peacefully in my arms, it gave me a sense of purpose I’d never had before. Helping my clients was an important part of my life, but making sure Lindsey was safe and happy had become an obsession.

  Waking her was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to keep her in my arms forever, but we both needed to get to the office. On the weekend we could lie in bed together for as long as we wanted. I smiled at that thought.

  I kissed her neck. If I had to wake her up, I was going to enjoy it. “Lindsey.” I kissed her neck again.

  She stirred in my arms and placed her arms over mine as she snuggled back into me. “Just a few more minutes.”

  “I’ve already let you sleep too long.” I kissed her neck again. “I’ll let you shower first. I need to check on Jasmine.”

  She turned in my arms to face me. “Fine, but remember where we left off here later.” She kissed my cheek and got out of bed.

  “How are you feeling?” I was worried about her arms and seeing her flinch on a couple of movements reminded me just how rough I was on her.

  “I’m fine, Joseph. I don’t mind the reminder of how amazing last night was.” She smiled and headed to the bathroom.

  I lay back and looked at the ceiling. How was I going to let her go after Austin was no longer a threat? There would be no reason to keep her with me, and she would be free to go. I should want my freedom again, but why did that scare me more than her staying?

  I couldn’t think about it. I had more pressing matters to attend to. I got up and headed toward Jasmine’s room. I chuckled when I saw the note on her door that said to wake her. Apparently, she wanted to talk to me just as much as I wanted to talk to her.

  I removed the note and opened her door. “Jasmine?”

  “I’m awake, Joey.” She motioned for me to come inside. “How did it go? I mean, I heard how well it went, but how did it go?”

  “You heard?” I rubbed the back of my neck and looked toward her door.

  “Yeah, I have to admit, I didn’t think Lindsey had it in her, but she’s a wild one.”

  “Let’s keep that between us. How long did it take you to talk her into that?”

  “She was undressing before I finished discussing my idea. She didn’t need to be talked into it at all. I think Lindsey just needed to be told by another woman that it was okay to want it. She’s in love with you, you know?”

  “I’m protecting her and giving her orgasms. It will eventually go back to what we were before.”

  “Do you really believe that? You think that after sharing your bed with her you’ll be able to go back to an empty bed?” She shook her head. “Please follow your heart on this one, Joey. She will make you happy. She’s your missing piece.”

  I shook my head and walked to the door. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine with my life the way it is—or was, rather. I’ll be fine to go back to it. Was that all you wanted to discuss with me?”

  “Don’t shut down on me. You’re my friend, and I want to help.” She sighed when I crossed my arms, signaling the conversation was over. “Brian’s coming today. I’m not sure I’ll be here when you get home, but I’ll lock up when I leave.”

  “When is he supposed to be in? I’d like to meet him.”

  “Some time this afternoon.”

  I relaxed my arms. “If he’s up to it, I’d really like to meet him. Please try to not leave until I get home.”

  “We aren’t leaving town for a few days. He’s going to get us a hotel room.”

  “You’re more than welcome to stay here.”

  She tilted her head. “I don’t think he would be comfortable with that. He knows we used to have sex.”

  I nodded. “The offer stands, but I see your point. I need to get ready for work. Help yourself to anything. You know your way around.”

  “Thank you, Joey.”

  I walked over and kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome, Jasmine.”

  I had been checking my phone in between clients, but I still hadn’t heard from Jasmine. I wondered if she forgot to let me know when Brian arrived or if there was some sort of a delay. I placed my phone into the desk drawer to get ready for my next client when there was a knock at the door.

  Elizabeth peeked in. “You have a visitor.” She came in and closed the door behind her. “I didn’t want to call with him standing there, but he isn’t on your list of clients to see today. In fact, I’ve never seen him before.”

  “Let me guess. His name is Brian.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you expecting him?”

  “No, but I should have.” I nodded. “Send him back, but please let me know when my next client is here.”

  “Of course.”

  She left, and I put the last client’s file away while I waited on him. He was hesitant to enter as he walked up to the doorway. I motioned for him to come inside, walked over to him, and held out my hand.

  “Brian, I presume. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “I’m not here to make friends.”

  I took my hand back and slipped it into my pocket. “Why are you here?”

  “I’d like for you to stay away from Jasmine.”

  “Jasmine is a friend of mine and always will be. If she needs my help, I will give it to her. I understand she’s off limits, and I respect that, but I’m off limits, as well. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “She said you had a new girlfriend. Would you like to become friends with her ex?”

  “Understood. Does Jasmine know of your demands?”

  “She will after tonight.”

  I walked to the door and placed my hand on the doorknob. “I’ll do as Jasmine wishes, but it will only be on her terms.”

  Lindsey had come around the corner on her way to the supply closet. She stopped when she saw the intense stare down we were giving each other. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine. Brian was just leaving. He has something important to discuss with Jasmine.”

  “Oh, you’re Brian?” Lindsey held her hand out as she walked toward him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  “You have?” Brian’s surprised tone matched my reaction. When had they talked long enough to discuss Brian? He reached out and took her hand, but still seemed
dumbfounded by her statement.

  “Of course. Jasmine can’t stop talking about you.” She linked her arm in his and walked him out while telling him all the things Jasmine had told her.

  I narrowed my eyes and looked around, confused. When had they talked? I shook my head and walked over to my desk to get ready for the next client.

  A few minutes later, Lindsey came back. “He doesn’t like you.” She laughed.

  “I gathered that.” I put my pen down. “When did you and Jasmine talk about him?”

  “While you were working out and while she was getting me ready for you.” She took the seat in front of my desk. “I asked if she thought she’d do that with him.” She shrugged. “She talked about him, and I listened.”

  “He’s very anxious about her with other men.”

  Lindsey looked at her hands. “Yes, he is. She told me his ex had cheated on him, so he’s nervous. I hope that’s all it is because it doesn’t usually get easier with men like that.”

  “Why won’t you talk to me?” My mother had been getting the silent treatment all night from my father, and she was tired of it. It’d been a good day. It was one of the rare days where we actually felt like a family—until we got home from the store.

  My mother laughed and talked all the way home. I’d never seen her so happy. My father was quiet and rubbed his chin a lot. She was oblivious to the action that warned of his mood change, or she was trying to ignore it and hoping she could snap him out of it. Nothing worked.

  He wouldn’t help with the groceries and instead planted his butt in front of the television. He had it so loud she was afraid the neighbors would complain. A loud television was another sign that something bad was about to happen.

  I wanted to go outside and not hear any of the arguing that was sure to happen, but I was starting to feel protective of my mother and wanted to keep her safe. At ten years old, I couldn’t keep myself safe.

  My mother knew something was happening when he refused to answer her direct question. “Go outside and play, Joey.”

  “But, Mom.”

  She wasn’t stern too often, except for when she was trying to protect me. “Do it.”

  “Listen to your mother.” My father stood in the doorway blocking the very path he expected me to take.

  “I’ll just go to my room. I have homework, anyway.”

  I looked at my mom when I walked past her. I needed to find a way to get her away from him. I needed that fear to be gone from her eyes for good. The argument started before I made it to my room. I stayed in the hallway and listened.

  My father started out calm, but I knew it wasn’t going to last long. “Why do you feel the need to embarrass me?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

  My father slammed something in the kitchen. “Do they give a discount if you blow them in the back room?”

  “What? I don’t do that. I would never do that to you.”

  “You knew everyone there by name!”

  “I shop there a lot, and those I hadn’t talked to before were still wearing a nametag. I don’t do anything but shop there.”

  “Are you hiding the extra money you’re saving by giving them favors?”

  My mother was trying to reason with him. There was no reasoning with the madman he’d become. When he was in that state, nothing could calm him until he’d had his fill, but she still tried. “I will turn in my receipts to you, so you know exactly what has been spent.”

  “You should’ve done that all along!”

  I heard a scuffle and wanted to go out there, but my mother didn’t like to see me in the middle of it. She said if she knew I was safe, she could handle anything.

  “You’re going to show me what you do to them.”

  My mother was crying. “I don’t do anything.”

  “I don’t believe you!”

  I went to my room and closed the door when I heard my mother gagging. I knew he was torturing her somehow. I couldn’t bear to hear it.

  When I opened my eyes, Lindsey was sitting on my lap, holding my face. “Please talk to me.”

  I blinked and looked away. She could never know the monster who made half of me. She wrapped her arms around me. I couldn’t do the same. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I sat there frozen in the chair.

  Elizabeth buzzed the intercom. “You each have an appointment waiting.”

  Lindsey pulled back and held my face again. She looked into my eyes, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Her eyes held the hurt I wouldn’t allow myself to feel. I felt it a long time ago. I didn’t need to feel it anymore.

  I made it through the dinner Jasmine forced Brian to have with Lindsey and me. She was trying to get him to see that there was nothing between us anymore, but I wasn’t sure he was convinced. I couldn’t blame him. He was right when he said I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone from Lindsey’s past.

  I watched Lindsey more than I paid attention to the dinner conversation. Why did she want to be with me? As a psychologist, she knew something was festering inside me. She could read the signs and yet, she still wanted to stay by my side. I didn’t want her to leave, but I didn’t want to hurt her, either. I needed help.

  “Joey?” Jasmine rubbed my arm. I hugged her as carefully as I could while Brian loaded her suitcase into the car. “I’ll work on him. He’s really a great guy once you get to know him.”

  “Be careful. You’ll always have a place to come back to if you need one. Remember that.”

  She cupped my face, put her forehead to mine, and whispered, “You be good to Lindsey. Let her in. She’ll be good to you. I promise.”

  Lindsey and I saw her to the door and waited until they pulled away. In some ways, I felt I let Jasmine down by allowing her to go with him. I couldn’t dictate her life. She needed to follow her own path. He had an obvious distaste for me, but seemed fine with Lindsey. I’d check on Jasmine to be sure.

  “Joseph, I’d like to talk about today.”

  “I need to work out.” It was wrong to run away, but I needed to call my friend before I had any kind of discussion with Lindsey.

  I ran upstairs and changed into my workout clothes, even though I probably wouldn’t lift a single weight. I had enough weight on my shoulders already. I grabbed my phone and headed down to the basement.

  Lindsey was in the kitchen cleaning up. “You don’t have to do that. I’m sorry, I forgot about it before I changed.”

  “I don’t mind. Go work out.” She smiled and turned back to the dishwasher.

  I looked at the phone in my hand and back to Lindsey. I needed to make that call. I ran down the stairs and pulled up my friend’s number. It was the most difficult call I’d ever make, but I knew it had to be done. I pressed the call button and closed my eyes when I lifted the phone to my ear.

  “Hello.” Trudy answered the phone. She was Grant’s wife and a remarkable woman. She didn’t question any help Grant offered me, even though they had two kids of their own to raise.

  “Trudy, how are you?”

  “Joseph.” The excitement in her voice was welcome. “We’re just fine here. How are you?”

  I heard Grant in the background trying to take the phone. “I want to talk to him.”

  I laughed. It was a great feeling to call someplace and be as wanted as they wanted me. I needed to keep in better contact with them.

  “I’m well. I’ll need to schedule a visit soon.”

  “Yes, you do need to do that. We miss you like crazy here.”

  “You’re the ones who retired and moved away. Let’s not forget that fact.”

  “Well, there you go again bringing facts into it.” I enjoyed hearing her smile on the other end of the line. It’d been too long. “Grant’s dying to speak to you, so I’ll let you two have your talk, but please, do come visit soon.”

  “I will.” I heard the phone switch hands, and I looked upstairs. This was more than a friendly chat. I needed advice.

  “Joseph, my bo
y, how the hell are you?”

  Grant was a strong, confident man, and it was always there in his voice. He was the first adult I trusted with my secrets and was the only adult to come to my rescue when I needed him. He was a social worker assigned to me when the school got concerned over bruising I had. The rumors were already there since the neighbors called the police during the loud arguments, so it didn’t take much for the school to call. Only, the bruising was from my daredevil stunts and not from my father.

  “They’ve started again.”

  It was all I needed to say. He excused himself from the room he was in and went to his office. I heard him shut the door.

  “What’s this about, son? What’s happened?”

  “Lindsey’s in trouble.” I took a deep breath and explained the situation. “One of the men she counseled before has escaped prison. He’s after her.”

  “And you feel the need to protect her.”

  “Yes, so much so that she’s moved in with me.”

  He was never one to pull punches. “In your house or your bed?”

  I was silent.

  “I see.” He cleared his throat, and I imagined him leaning forward on his desk as he did whenever he needed to take a softer approach. “We’ve discussed Lindsey before. I’m aware how close you two were becoming. Were you having sex before she moved in?”

  “No, it just—” I sighed. I detested it when my clients said something just happened. Nothing ever just happened. “It wasn’t planned, but we’ve been flirting, I suppose, for a while.”

  “What happens when the escaped man is caught?”

  I sat on the weight bench, put my head in my hand, and whispered, “I don’t know.”

  “You’ve tried your hardest to not fall for her, but I think we both know you’ve failed at keeping your distance. The question now is if you want to continue cutting yourself off from the world or if you want to live the life you deserve.”

  “I am living the life I deserve.”